My daughter wants to disown me my wife says no more cooked food. Please help

[Anonymous]

Dear Big People at O2

I have a daughter who is 16 but believes she's 24. She's threatening to disown me, partly because I've moved to Ely near Cambridge. My wife hasn't quite reached my daughters level of frustration yet but I am now having to eat mostly microwave meals from the local supermarket. 

So what has this got to do with O2 and posting to this help forum? I'm glad you asked. You see, for my daughter, moving to a new town is stressful. All the friends she's grown fond of are now living three hours away. She misses them and apparently it's all my fault. She tries to BBM them in the morning on her way to school but they only get her message when she arrives back home (wireless zone) after school. She could of course text them but who texts nowadays? She can't Instagram photos of Ely to them, or use social media. It's very frustrating for her and it's all my fault. 

She blames me for not checking what the 3G/4G coverage in Ely was like before we moved here. I, like her, thought that as Ely was only a few miles from Cambridge (a hotbed of technological research and a nursery for the smartest computer scientists in the world) that 3G/4G would be a given. I was secretely even hoping we might get 5 or 6G but alas, we get none of that. What we did get is a symbol that I have not seen since I moved from Johannesburg, South Africa six years ago and possibly three years before then. It's a symbol that I had thought had gone the way of the fax or even the dreaded telex machine

Imagine my horror when she pointed out the "resurrected-from-the-dead "gprs" symbol to me on her trusty old iPhone 4 a day after we settled into our new home. "It must be a temporary problem dear. I'm sure no one uses gprs anymore" I said, quite sure that her technology obsessed Dad was right.

I started to panic a little when my lovely golden iPhone 5S displayed the same - gprs - symbol. "This cannot be real" and "I am living in a first world country" were thoughts that crossed my mind many times as I tried to sleep that night. I kept checking my phone throughout the night, hoping that the gprs symbol would just go away and in it's place would be the much loved 4G symbol that had graced my phone in Berkshire in a little town that has a high street with all of 7 stores. How wrong I was.

The next morning and the one after that and the one after that, the gprs symbol seemed to be etched into my phone. It simply would not go away no matter where I went. I drove around Ely holding my phone in my hand to see where I could find 4G or even 3G but there was not a single place that made me happy. Of course it's true to say that I did not cover every single square inch of Ely and for this I do apologise. I could have done better but although small, Ely is not that small. 

I came to the O2 website to look at the coverage map hoping that perhaps my iPhone was misbehaving and in reality you really did have 3/4G coverage and I was just being a little anxious, but no, to my surprise, your coverage map showed that apparently my house and almost the whole of Ely was covered in glorious 3G but unfortunately no 4G. Not only was my area listed as having wonderful 3G but it was also said to have 3G indoors and outdoors - whooohooo I thought, I knew it. I could tell my daughter it was only a temporary problem and soon we would have 3G. Perhaps O2 were upgrading to 4G I told her. 

Day after day I would wake up, turn off the wireless and the dreaded gprs symbol would make it's appearance. Why don't you use wireless you ask? Glad you asked.. Well I do when I can but you see, because I am in a new area I don't know the roads very well and just the other day the trip to Milton - which is just 11 miles away and about 24 minutes on a good morning - took me about an hour with me driving through Suffolk and god knows where. Howcome you ask... Well, without 3/4G your precious and trusty GPS on your golden smartphone simply does not work with a "gprs" connection. It simply times out and no matter how much you may curse and moan it really does not help. You simple cannot get directions. I would hate to think what would happen in a medical emergency as I actually have no idea how to get to the closest hospital without directional aid from a GPS. 

So I turn to the forums for help. Could you please update your coverage map for the area of Ely to reflect that you have actually made a mistake and that for Ely and all the way up the A10 to Milton there is in fact no 3G, 2G, or Edge coverage and that the "gprs" symbol that you do show is actually for decoration purposes alone as it's pretty much useless. My daughter still wants to disown me and move back to Berkshire and my wife says it's microwave dinners until she can get 3G on her phone. 

As you can see it's a difficult situation for me. I love my daughter & wife and being Portuguese I really do like freshly cooked meals. I'd prefer not to move to one of the other networks, I've been with you through five generations of iPhone, travelled with you to all parts of the globe and you've never let me down - except for that time in South Africa where you surprised me with an £800+ bill when you charged me £8.00 per MB but I've forgiven you for that mishap. I'd like to stay, I've on occasion used Priority Pass and I've even got a Pizza for a Quid from Domino's which made me very happy. 

When you do update the map to show we only enjoy "gprs" coverage in Ely and surrounds please point out that the "gprs" symbol is only for decoration purposes as in reality it actually has no practical value and one day - hopefully in the new future - when you have time and lots and lots of money could I  beg you to help my home situation by placing some 4G towers in the area around Ely. I promise to tell all my work colleagues when you do and try and convince them to move to O2.

Sincerely

Malaguetas

[Anonymous]

We should ask him to turn it into a blog...I want to know what happens next!I'm worried already Will he ever eat a home cooked meal again??Will he be disowned by his daughter????Too many questions unanswered...This cannot be left this way @Anonymous ....

[aldaweb]

Definitely a

[Cleoriff]

Love that pic @aldaweb  In fact I have pinched it....

[jonsie]

Yes definitely on

[Cleoriff]

And pinched that one as well @jonsie  You never know when and where I can use these pics 

[Anonymous]

Hello Everyone. 

Once again thank you for reading my story. I have a few updates for you..

My daughter left today. Not as in "permanentely left" you understand (I think), but she left to go to the county where there is a lot of green and excellent 4G and where most of her friends are. I don't think it was malicious departing, after all she gave me a kiss on the cheek when I dropped her off at Cambridge Train station this morning. I saw her glance at that little 3G thingy on her phone so I'm still not quite sure whether the kiss on the cheek is to thank me for paying £40 odd to get her to that other county or if it was because she saw the 3G symbol on her phone again. I choose to believe it was the former. 

Anyway, I drove around Cambridge using my recently sad, un-excercised iPhone and made that A8 processor shake it's booty. The GPS was so happy that it could work again that it got me to my locations extra fast. I asked it to go to B&Q and it responded within seconds. I asked it to go to Curry's PC world or universe or whatever they call it nowadays, and it got me there in a flash too. We were so happy together, just like old times. I even asked SIRI if she was happy and she replied and asked if I was single. Life is good! 

Inevitably and unfortunately I needed to return to Ely and with much sadness in my heart I drove away from 3G nirvana and headed out towards Ely. Just outside Milton on the last major merry-go-round-thingy I took one last look at the 3G symbol. There it stood, "3G" proud and eager to serve. Eager to help SIRI answer questions like "Hey SIRI, do spiders go on holidays in the Algarve? and Hey SIRI how do we know that lobsters actually come from Norway or the Galapagos Islands or wherever Tesco or Waitrose tell us they come from. I've never seen a Lobster with a passport or a QR code stamped on it's bum so you can understand that these types of things I find curious and normally turn to Siri for enlightment and she sometimes oblidges with words of wisdom. I'm still awaiting her reply on the Lobster matter..As I drove away the 3G was quickly replaced with the dreaded "gprs"....

"Hey SIRI" was met with a "Unfortunately I cannot help you at the moment, please try again later." Awkward silence followed as I drove up the A10. I didn't bother using GPS. It would be unfair on my iPhone. It would be like owning a Ferrari but only being allowed to drive at 20mph. Sad.

I wached the open fields go by, drove behind a tractor who's driver insisted on going at 20mph even when they have 40 cars behing them and they well know the road is too narrow to overtake. They have tyres so wide  they could drive in 10ft of mud and still not feel it but NO, they can't move to the side of the road and let us overtake. Nooo, they will have their fun in the sun and to hell with everyone else..Sigh. 

Forty minutes later I arrived home and my wife suggested we go out to the town centre. I immediately agreed. Finally I could eat a non-microwaved meal. We attended to our business and promptly discovered a lovely little fish and chips shop but not before verifying that in the Ely market square just outside the F&C shop that there was wonderful 3G. We ordrerd F&C and sat indoors just as it started to drizzle. I pulled out my phone to test the 3G connection and what do I see? - "No Service" - See attatched evidence image(1) Step 3m outside the store, 3G, step in the store - No service. Sigh...

Honestly, I have to wonder exactly what O2 means when they say they have good 3G coverage indoors and out in Ely. Have any of their engineers actually been to Ely? Do any of their senior managers or staff actually live in Ely or have they ever tried to use data on their O2 phones as they drove through Ely?

After the meal we walked out the F&C shop and walked towards the car park. The 3G symbol popped up so I decided to test the speed and the screenshot kinda says it all - Attached evidence image(2) A truly miserable 0.35Mbps downstream and 0.94Mbps upstream with a ping response time of 91ms. Four minutes later and sitting in my car I did the test again. Once again the phone said it had a 3G connection as you can see from the evidence but this time the ping response was 98ms and the DS at 0.2Mbps while the Upstream speed had increased to a miserable 1.02Mbps. Sigh..

I came home upset. Mostly with O2 for their coverage map and for not being honest with me or with the O2 customers in Ely. I trusted this coverage map and based on it I told my daughter that there was "excellent" coverage in Ely. I let her down. I didn't check before I moved. I checked for good sixth form colleges, public transport, crime stats, parks and so many other things but not that what O2 said was actually true. All I ask is for O2 to adjust their coverage map to reflect what the actual situation regarding 3G is on the ground and not lie to us, to me. If all you can give me in Ely is "gprs" then it sucks but at least you'll be honest and not mislead the public. It's not a lot to ask for is it? 

I remain a customer, I remain loyal, I like O2, I like the blue bubble thingy when I open the "My O2" app, I love the app, it's brilliant, the best I've seen to date on any network. I like the £1.00 pizza on Mondays. I really do. My daughter has O2, my Wife has O2. My son, well he's a rebel. He's with one of the other networks. I don't really care what he has or if he's dissapointed.

Come on O2, adjust your map. Bring joy to my home.

Sincerley

Malaguetas 

[Cleoriff]

I saw you were online and I thought Oh Good...another blog...

Now I am delighted to hear you got some fish and chips....though very sorry you had to keep popping outside to get 3G

Are you worried that your daughter may not  return after experiencing the delights of 3 and 4G??

A sad state of affairs. You may have to think about putting your house on the market....

[Cleoriff]

PS...I am rather glad Siri cut you off....all this conversing with another woman is not good if you are looking to get a home cooked meal once more

[Anonymous]

Yes putting the house on the market is definitely an option. I'm hoping O2 do something before I have to resort to that. It was bad enough packing and unpacking. Not something one wants to do too often! 

[aldaweb]

We wait with bated breath for the update ... did your daughter return? ... are the fish and chips any good?