What has made me LAUGH today?

[Anonymous]

Heard the one about the cat that ran up the chimney? ffs / lolz

My lad rings me about 7pm = unusual, as this comes under 'Quality time with his missus'

We have a chat about finalizing arrangements for me to see him tomorrow in the suburbs of Leeds 

We come up with a plan

I enquire after my daughter-in-law & after their new 6 year old rescue cat Juno

He's run up the chimney mum 

Has it been cleaned I ask

No says son

They've recently moved into their 1st own house = built late 1930's

I ask is he covered in soot ... is he black

Well, says son, he is grey ... now Juno is a white / black cat

How did you clean him asks I

He's cleaned himself mum

Discussion follows about pet wipes as my ginger / white cat Marty's white bits are looking distinctly grubby

50 + 50 + 50 shades of grey ... oh yes ... there is soot grey now 

& we all thought of *as black as soot* ... 

*Titters* 

fyi ... yes, there are days (I don't count them, deliberately so) when I have sweet FA to laugh about 

[pgn]

A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.


😂

[dgilbert2]

Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

[pgn]

Haha! Never get one like that in a Christmas cracker, @dgilbert2! 

[Anonymous]

Had an argument with the plumber over a quote, well I say argument, it was more of a heated discussion.....

fared better with the window cleaner about cleaning the gutters, but then his pricing has always been transparent.

[jonsie]

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@Anonymous wrote:

Had an argument with the plumber over a quote, well I say argument, it was more of a heated discussion.....

fared better with the window cleaner about cleaning the gutters, but then his pricing has always been transparent.

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nice ones

[jonsie]

This

BREAKING: Wayne Rooney 'arrested for public intoxication in Washington'

[Cleoriff]

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@jonsie wrote:

This

BREAKING: Wayne Rooney 'arrested for public intoxication in Washington'

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Is that it? What did he do when he was drunk?....or can you just be arrested for being drunk in Washington?

[jonsie]

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/breaking-wayne-rooney-arrested-public-13821006

He was arrested by the Metropolitan Washington Airport Authority for a class four misdemeanour before being released without bail.

A hearing was due to take place on January 24, but this has been waived after he paid a €25 fine with €91 costs earlier this month.

[jonsie]

According to a US reporter, the ace was arrested over "public swearing and intoxication" on December 16 by the Washington Airport Authority.

Mugshot above

https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/football/8132829/wayne-rooney-arrested-for-public-intoxication-and-sw...

[MI5]

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@jonsie wrote:

According to a US reporter, the ace was arrested over "public swearing and intoxication" on December 16 by the Washington Airport Authority.

There We Are Then