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If only there was a General Help & Guides section...
Here are the Qs & As I see most often.
Q: When making a phone call, I can't hear the person and they can hardly hear me.
A: You have the phone upside down. The square/round button goes at the bottom.
Q: I used my new phone to bang in some nails and now the screen is smashed.
A: You need rubber nails, readily available at your local hardware store. While you're there, ask for a long stand, some tartan paint and a left-handed screwdriver.
Q: I put Keys on my computer but cannot connect my phone, the keys just fell off and are now down the back of the computer desk.
A: You need to use Yale type keys, the mortice type are not compatible.
Q: My phone is constantly freezing.
A: Take your phone out of the freezer.
Q: On my iPhone, I could access the last 7 elves I spoke to on a Tuesday when there was a full moon.
A: You don't have an iPhone anymore. Get over it.
Q: All the photos I took over the last two years have been accidentally deleted, what should I do?
A: Lift up your hand and slap yourself on the forehead, get a hot flush, say "OH NOOOOOOOO".
Q: My old Nokia 4134582670 lasted four days on a charge but my new Galaxy lasts only a day. That's stupid.
A: What's stupid is expecting a mini computer to sip power from it's battery the same as that dumb old relic with a tiny screen. Really?
Q: I tried to follow Onan but my sister-in-law slapped me across the face.
A: Er. You need to use Odin. Onan was, er, Er's, er, brother. Er.
Q: Who invented liquid and why?
A: I don't know, but it's always a good idea to have an emergency credit card.
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Q- why doesn't my iPhone work properly? It was fine until a few days ago.
A- you have the wrong OS installed please visit your nearest O2 shop and request an android based phone.
Love the thread:) however I wasn't created:(
A- you have the wrong OS installed please visit your nearest O2 shop and request an android based phone.
Love the thread:) however I wasn't created:(
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Lol. I'll add them to the main thread later when I'm free of the mobile site restrictions.... Edit: Can't add to the main thread as the edit option has timed out, so just keep on adding below........
Good thread 
I once received a call on December 28th with a woman, screaming, that I (O2) had ruined her christmas.
The woman received an iPhone but for 3 days it has been broken - O2's fault. When I asked what the issue was she said "The screen just says 'Please Connect to iTunes'". When I asked if she had she said "No, why? Can you not just fix my phone - you've caused enough hassle already!"
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Wow. I know tech has become complicated over the years but always thought it was self explanatory:D
I really wish there was a governing body that regulated whether you were allowed to reproduce or not:D
I really wish there was a governing body that regulated whether you were allowed to reproduce or not:D
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@Anonymous wrote:Good thread
I once received a call on December 28th with a woman, screaming, that I (O2) had ruined her christmas.
The woman received an iPhone but for 3 days it has been broken - O2's fault. When I asked what the issue was she said "The screen just says 'Please Connect to iTunes'". When I asked if she had she said "No, why? Can you not just fix my phone - you've caused enough hassle already!"
She apologised to you of course! 
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You must get a few ignorant and aggressive calls, not too many I hope! 
I imagine late at night calls would be the worst, just back from the pub!
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Q. I've been an O2 PAYG customer for 3 months and have spent £20 on top ups, now I am been told that I can't upgrade to a free iPhone 5 with 1000 mins and unlimited data, WTF O2 YOU ARE A RUBBISH COMPANY!!!!
A. Please follow this link www.three.co.uk who will be pleased to accomodate you
Q. My contract has 15 months left to run and I want a new iPhone but O2 expect me to pay £1000 to get out of my contract - Why?
A. Contracts are only for over 18's. You must be mistaken, are you sure you're not PAYG?
Q. Why won't my phone work?
A. Because it's broke.....
Q. Why has my bill gone up by £0.03p this month. How dare you increase my FIXED TERM contract price !!
A. Contracts are only for over 18's. You must be mistaken, are you sure you're not PAYG?
Q. How come everyone else in my office gets a signal except me?
A. Press the small button at the top of the phone to turn it on.
Q. How come I can't receive calls or texts anymore?
A. You have no friends.
Q. I have friends but I still don't receive calls or texts anymore?
A. All your friends have moved to www.three.co.uk
