My daughter wants to disown me my wife says no more cooked food. Please help

[Anonymous]

Dear Big People at O2

I have a daughter who is 16 but believes she's 24. She's threatening to disown me, partly because I've moved to Ely near Cambridge. My wife hasn't quite reached my daughters level of frustration yet but I am now having to eat mostly microwave meals from the local supermarket. 

So what has this got to do with O2 and posting to this help forum? I'm glad you asked. You see, for my daughter, moving to a new town is stressful. All the friends she's grown fond of are now living three hours away. She misses them and apparently it's all my fault. She tries to BBM them in the morning on her way to school but they only get her message when she arrives back home (wireless zone) after school. She could of course text them but who texts nowadays? She can't Instagram photos of Ely to them, or use social media. It's very frustrating for her and it's all my fault. 

She blames me for not checking what the 3G/4G coverage in Ely was like before we moved here. I, like her, thought that as Ely was only a few miles from Cambridge (a hotbed of technological research and a nursery for the smartest computer scientists in the world) that 3G/4G would be a given. I was secretely even hoping we might get 5 or 6G but alas, we get none of that. What we did get is a symbol that I have not seen since I moved from Johannesburg, South Africa six years ago and possibly three years before then. It's a symbol that I had thought had gone the way of the fax or even the dreaded telex machine

Imagine my horror when she pointed out the "resurrected-from-the-dead "gprs" symbol to me on her trusty old iPhone 4 a day after we settled into our new home. "It must be a temporary problem dear. I'm sure no one uses gprs anymore" I said, quite sure that her technology obsessed Dad was right.

I started to panic a little when my lovely golden iPhone 5S displayed the same - gprs - symbol. "This cannot be real" and "I am living in a first world country" were thoughts that crossed my mind many times as I tried to sleep that night. I kept checking my phone throughout the night, hoping that the gprs symbol would just go away and in it's place would be the much loved 4G symbol that had graced my phone in Berkshire in a little town that has a high street with all of 7 stores. How wrong I was.

The next morning and the one after that and the one after that, the gprs symbol seemed to be etched into my phone. It simply would not go away no matter where I went. I drove around Ely holding my phone in my hand to see where I could find 4G or even 3G but there was not a single place that made me happy. Of course it's true to say that I did not cover every single square inch of Ely and for this I do apologise. I could have done better but although small, Ely is not that small. 

I came to the O2 website to look at the coverage map hoping that perhaps my iPhone was misbehaving and in reality you really did have 3/4G coverage and I was just being a little anxious, but no, to my surprise, your coverage map showed that apparently my house and almost the whole of Ely was covered in glorious 3G but unfortunately no 4G. Not only was my area listed as having wonderful 3G but it was also said to have 3G indoors and outdoors - whooohooo I thought, I knew it. I could tell my daughter it was only a temporary problem and soon we would have 3G. Perhaps O2 were upgrading to 4G I told her. 

Day after day I would wake up, turn off the wireless and the dreaded gprs symbol would make it's appearance. Why don't you use wireless you ask? Glad you asked.. Well I do when I can but you see, because I am in a new area I don't know the roads very well and just the other day the trip to Milton - which is just 11 miles away and about 24 minutes on a good morning - took me about an hour with me driving through Suffolk and god knows where. Howcome you ask... Well, without 3/4G your precious and trusty GPS on your golden smartphone simply does not work with a "gprs" connection. It simply times out and no matter how much you may curse and moan it really does not help. You simple cannot get directions. I would hate to think what would happen in a medical emergency as I actually have no idea how to get to the closest hospital without directional aid from a GPS. 

So I turn to the forums for help. Could you please update your coverage map for the area of Ely to reflect that you have actually made a mistake and that for Ely and all the way up the A10 to Milton there is in fact no 3G, 2G, or Edge coverage and that the "gprs" symbol that you do show is actually for decoration purposes alone as it's pretty much useless. My daughter still wants to disown me and move back to Berkshire and my wife says it's microwave dinners until she can get 3G on her phone. 

As you can see it's a difficult situation for me. I love my daughter & wife and being Portuguese I really do like freshly cooked meals. I'd prefer not to move to one of the other networks, I've been with you through five generations of iPhone, travelled with you to all parts of the globe and you've never let me down - except for that time in South Africa where you surprised me with an £800+ bill when you charged me £8.00 per MB but I've forgiven you for that mishap. I'd like to stay, I've on occasion used Priority Pass and I've even got a Pizza for a Quid from Domino's which made me very happy. 

When you do update the map to show we only enjoy "gprs" coverage in Ely and surrounds please point out that the "gprs" symbol is only for decoration purposes as in reality it actually has no practical value and one day - hopefully in the new future - when you have time and lots and lots of money could I  beg you to help my home situation by placing some 4G towers in the area around Ely. I promise to tell all my work colleagues when you do and try and convince them to move to O2.

Sincerely

Malaguetas

[Beenherebefore]

@Anonymous now that I've Googled it, I find you are correct......what else should I have expected.......but it's new to me and Cleoriff 

[Cleoriff]

---

@Beenherebefore wrote:

@Anonymous now that I've Googled it, I find you are correct......what else should I have expected.......but it's new to me and Cleoriff 

---

Well I must have a very laid back Google as every time I type the word in...Google attempts to correct my spelling and tells me all about navigational...so I need enlightening

[Anonymous]

---

@Anonymous wrote:
I think I maybe passing through Ely some point next week, should we get together a food parcel to drop off?

---

Yes, definitely

[Anonymous]

---

@MI5 wrote:
I'd take a spare mast with you

---

Yes, mast most gratefully accepted. 

[Anonymous]

---

@Cleoriff wrote:

---

@Beenherebefore wrote:

I'm guessing it was a slip of the keyboard but a few pages back (post 13) there was another memorable event which nobody has commented on or congratulated you @Anonymous you invented a word which I will forever use as often as possible :

NAGIVATIONAL as in wife to husband : "I don't wish to be nagivational but when are you going to decorate the lounge?"

---

What a lovely new word @Beenherebefore ...it is up there with spit take...amazeballs and twonk...

---

It sometimes happens when I run out of vocabulary. I must say I like your usage example

[Anonymous]

I've been told to report to Ely train station in about an hour to collect my daughter. 

On the one hand this is good news, she's returning. The first few minutes in the car will tell me how pleasant or not the week ahead is going to be. On the other hand I can imagine being left with one of two options. Either:

• Move my daughter to one of the other networks that claim to have 3/4G connectivity in Ely (Coverage claims to be seriously tested)
• Continue enduring a miserable existence of nagging, by the female gender related to me by birth and marriage while O2 get their act in Ely sorted.

It's quite possible that the latter could of course happen sometime in my lifetime but I'm not holding my breath. 

Breakfast this morning consisted of some brown stuff that came out a green box where it was mixed with milk and silently consumed. Lunch was a little more interesting, but again not home cooked. The one who is married to me decided that it would be suitable to eat at John Lewis in Cambridge. So it was chicken liver paté for starters and spaghetti carbonara for the main course - photos attached. Dessert was at Cinnabon.  

Perhaps this evening there will be something freshly cooked but I fear it will probably be peanuts with waffles or something similar.

O2 - Please help. It's getting pretty desperate here. 

[Cleoriff]

I have absolutely NO idea what this is you are eating @Anonymous It looks truly awful.

I know you are Portuguese....but have you never experienced the joy of a 'proper' Sunday lunch...

We had roast beef and yorkshire pudding in my household today...

[Cleoriff]

So sorry to rub salt in your wounds...but my lunch was similar to this..

[Anonymous]

mental note, don't ever go to john lewis for food

I was just wondering if you need some easy recipes ...u know..by the looks of it it seems the only way of u having a home cooked meal is if u cook it yourself

[Anonymous]

and @Cleoriff, can u pass me the gravy please...