Friday's Funny Finding

[pgn]

If Technology teaches us anything... 

Sometimes, the tried and tested ways are best. 

[pgn]

Had me at "let's pretend" 🤣

Good one, @jonsie 👌

[Cleoriff]

Sternum? Yes... easily mixed up @pgn 😂

[Cleoriff]

Great @jonsie 😂

[Oxonian]

---

@pgn wrote:

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.
A lady stood and walked to the podium.

She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband Tom had a terrible bicycle wreck, and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

There were muffled gasps from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that Tom must have experienced.

"Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain. We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again the men in the congregation were unnerved and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.

"Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord Tom is out of the hospital, and the doctors say that with time his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said "I'm Tom." The entire congregation held its breath..

"I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum."

---

Had me cringing @pgn ! 🤣 

[Oxonian]

---

@jonsie wrote:

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, him in the upper bunk and her in the lower.

At 1:00 a.m., the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fekkin' blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

---

Good 'un @jonsie, very amusing ! 🤣 

[pgn]

Three guys stoned out of their minds were out hiking and found mysterious tracks in the forest.

"It’s a deer,” said the first.

"No, it’s a rabbit,” said the second

The third guy bent down for a closer look and a train ran over him.

😂

[Cleoriff]

That'll teach them to get stoned @pgn 😂

[pgn]

Jason was very bright but a bit shy.

One evening he went into a bar, where he saw a stunningly attractive woman sitting alone at a table, nursing a colourful-looking concoction in a glass.

Jason couldn’t take his eyes off her and eventually he gathered up the courage to walk over and speak to her.

“Hello, I’m Jason. Would you mind if I sat with you and chatted for a while?” asked Jason quietly.

The woman responded by yelling at the top of her voice, “No! I will not sleep with you tonight!”

Jason blushed beet red with embarrassment as other patrons craned to see what was going on.

He walked back over to the barstool where he’d been sitting, reflecting on how he might have handled the situation and intending to leave the bar as soon as he'd finished his drink.

However, a couple of minutes later the attractive woman walked over to him and apologized.

“I’m really sorry,” she said. “I’m actually a Ph.D. student at the university here and I’m researching how people respond in embarrassing situations.”

To which Jason responded loudly at the top of his voice, “What do you mean you charge two hundred minimum?”

😁

[Cleoriff]

😂😂Very funny @pgn 🤣

[pgn]

A young girl started work in the local chemist's shop in the village where she lived. She was also a little embarrassed about having to sell certain contraceptives.

One week, the chemist said he was going away for a couple of days and asked if she would be willing to run the shop on her own in his absence.

She told him her worries about selling the contraceptives.

"Look," he said. "My regular customers don't ask for condoms, they'll ask for a 310 [small] a 320 [medium] or a 330 [large].
The word condom wont even be used.”

The first day was fine but on the second day a guy came in to the shop, put out his hand and said "350”.

The girl panicked.

She went into the back room, phoned the owner’s mobile and told him of her predicament.

"Go back in and check if he has a yellow bucket hanging off one shoulder,” her boss told her.

She peeped through the door and saw the yellow bucket hanging by his right knee.

"Yes,” she said " He's got one hanging there.”

The boss said, "Go back in and give him £3.50. He's the window cleaner."

😉