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If Technology teaches us anything...
Sometimes, the tried and tested ways are best.
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A man was doing yard work and his wife decided to take a shower.
The man couldn’t find the rake and yelled up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"
She couldn’t hear him and shouted back, "What?"
The man pointed to his eye, then to his knee and finally made a raking motion.
His wife, unsure, shouted” What?"
The man repeated his gestures,
mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."
The wife gave him the OK sign and signaled back.
She pointed to her eye, then to her left breast, then to her butt and finally to her crotch.
The man knew there was no way in hell he could even come close on that one.
Exasperated, he went upstairs and asked her, "What in the heck was that?"
She replied “EYE - LEFT TÏT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"
😁
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😂Very Clever ....the woman was far more inventive than her hubby....😂
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A bit o' Kerry Lockdown (ba)-Lunacy 🤣
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The Mystery of the Belgian Detective and the Two Boiled Eggs
Why did Hercule Poirot reject one of the two eggs he was served at breakfast?
Because one egg is un œuf.
🤣
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The Intelligence Services of a country at war had been lucky enough to apprehend a French, a German and an Italian spy.
The captors grabbed the French spy, took him to the next room, shoved him roughly onto a chair and tied his hands behind the chair. They then proceeded to question him, in ever more torturous ways, for the next 2 hours before he finally cracked, answered all their questions and gave up all of his intel.
The captors then grabbed the German spy. They tied his hands behind the chair in the next room too and tortured him for 4 hours before he finally cracked and told them everything.
They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tied his hands behind the chair and began torturing him in excruciating ways. 4 hours went by and the spy wasn’t talking. Then 8 hours, then 16 and after 24 hours they gave up and threw him back into the cell.
The German and French spies were impressed and asked him how he managed not to crack.
The Italian spy answered,
“I wanted to, but I couldn’t use my hands.”
😖
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Time for a pop at those on t'other side of the Atlantic:
A rancher was overseeing his herd in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW drove out of a dust cloud toward him.
The driver, a man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the rancher, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"
The rancher looked at the man, then looked at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answered, "Sure. Why not?"
The guy parked his car, whipped out his Dell notebook, connected it to his iphone and surfed to a NASA site and called up a GPS satnav to get an exact fix on his location which he then fed to another NASA satellite that scanned the area in an ultra-high-res photo. He then opened the photo in Photoshop and exported it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he received an email on his Ipad that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accessed a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response.
Finally, he printed out a full-colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turned to the rancher and said, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."
“That's right,” answered the rancher. “Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.”
He watched the young man select one of the animals and looked on as the young man stuffed it into the trunk of his car. Then he said, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"
The young man thought about it for a second and then said, "Okay, why not?"
"You're a Republican, a congressman in the U.S. government," said the rancher.
“Wow, that's correct," said the guy. "But how did you guess that?"
“No guessing required," answered the rancher. "You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don't know a thing about cows. This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog."
🤣
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A garden gnome was busy destroying plants when suddenly a house cat appeared.
“What are you?” asked the cat.
“I’m a gnome. I steal food from humans. I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, are you?”
The cat thought for a moment and said, “I guess i’m a gnome.”
😉
