Edinburgh Fringe Festival

[jonsie]

So here are the winning best jokes 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927

The top 10 funniest jokes of the Fringe

1. "I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free" - Darren Walsh
2. "Kim Kardashian is saddled with a huge arse ... but enough about Kanye West" - Stewart Francis
3. "Surely every car is a people carrier?" - Adam Hess
4. "What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter" - Masai Graham
5. "If I could take just one thing to a desert island I probably wouldn't go" - Dave Green
6. "Jesus fed 5,000 people with two fishes and a loaf of bread. That's not a miracle. That's tapas" - Mark Nelson
7. "Red sky at night. Shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night. Day" -Tom Parry
8. "The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves" - Alun Cochrane
9. "Clowns divorce. Custardy battle" - Simon Munnery
10. "They're always telling me to live my dreams. But I don't want to be naked in an exam I haven't revised for..." - Grace The Child

The funniest joke was chosen from a shortlist compiled by a panel of judges, who saw an average of 60 shows each at this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The shortlisted gags were then put to 2,000 people, with no reference to the comedians who told them, who then voted for the jokes they found the funniest.

The judges also released a list of jokes which just missed out on the shortlist.

• "I never lie on my CV…because it creases it." - Jenny Collier
• "If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself" - Ian Smith
• "I usually meet my girlfriend at 12:59 because I like that one-to-one time" - Tom Ward
• "Whenever I get to Edinburgh, I'm reminded of the definition of a gentleman. It's someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't" - Gyles Brandreth
• "Let me tell you a little about myself. It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'" - Ally Houston
• "Earlier this year I saw "The Theory of Everything" - loved it. Should've been called "Look Who's Hawking", that's my only criticism" - James Acaster

[Anonymous]

Some fantastic gags there although surprisingly none from my favourite comedian Tim Vine.

[Anonymous]

thanks jonsie for that

got me fair tittering 

[Cleoriff]

Loved them...though one that didn't make the top 10 was my favourite...

"If you don't know what introspection is you need to take a long, hard look at yourself"

[Anonymous]

I don't think he is here this year.

[jonsie]

It's always worth watching. Personally number three is my type of humour though I do laugh at many things I'm not supposed to....bit like the wife  I'm going back to Thailand just so she can laugh some more...

[Cleoriff]

Yes the People Carrier one did make me laugh if honest...

[Bambino]

Number 2 should have been first. Apart from it being so funny, it's true. Thanks for brightening my day @jonsie

[Anonymous]

my favourite that made the list was number 10

something like:- being told to live your dreams, but would you want to be naked in an exam for which you didn't revise?

No Sir, No Sir, No Sir, No 

I'm not a particular fan of Gyles Brandreth, but I do like his definition of a gentleman:- someone who knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn't 

btw my definition of a gentleman:-  a man who accepts flowers, from a woman, with good grace 

[anticpated]

I need to get through before it ends.