Fifty Shades of Grey - Pam Ayres style!

[perksie]

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husband's point of view)

The missus bought a Paperback,

down Shepton Mallet way,

I had a look inside her bag;

... T'was "Fifty Shades of Grey".

Well I just left her to it,

And then I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared;

The sight filled me with dread...

In her left she held a rope;

And in her right a whip!

She threw them down upon the floor,

And then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago;

I might have had a peek;

But Mabel hasn't weathered well;

She's eighty four next week!!

Watching Mabel bump and grind;

Could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse;

She toppled off her Zimmer!

She struggled back upon her feet;

A couple minutes later;

She put her teeth back in and said

I am a dominator !!

Now if you knew our Mabel,

You'd see just why I spluttered,

I'd spent two months in traction

For the last complaint I'd uttered.

She stood there rude and naked

Bent forward just a bit

I went to hold her, sensual like

and stood on her left xxx!

Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;

My God what had I done!?

She moaned and groaned then shouted out:

"Step on the other one"!!

Well readers, I can't tell no more;

About what occurred that day.

Suffice to say my jet black hair,

Turned fifty shades of grey.

[Anonymous]

Think it is but haven't actually been there myself, they tore down a couple pubs down this way so luckily my locals just down the end of my road

[perksie]

Amazing that you've been there jonsie, I think it's closed now.

One of only 10 pubs without a bar.

The landlady would ask you how many drinks you had and charged you accordingly.

If she was there she would count exactly how many drinks everyone had and knew the price to charge.

There are some very odd pubs in that area:

http://stranglers-ratter.blogspot.co.uk/2011/06/tuckers-grave-rip.html

http://www.heritagepubs.org.uk/pubs/national-inventory-entry.asp?pubid=139

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-somerset-13577783

I believe the landlady still lives there.