Wonderful (true) Church Bulletins Funnies

[TallTrees]

Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with computers. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

-------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
--------------------------
The sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
--------------------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
-------------------------
Don’t let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
--------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
--------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs .
--------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
--------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
--------------------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
-------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children
-------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility..
--------------------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
--------------------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
--------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
--------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
--------------------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
--------------------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door
--------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
--------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side-

------------------------

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'.

SOOOO FUNNY AND REALLY TRUE

[lewys-gp]

Brilliant 😂

[Pleiades]

Haha, lovely stuff.  Am self-isolating and am pretty darn grumpy and miserable but you cheered me up no end, thanks  😀