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Level 25: Hard Hitter
Posts: 1,331
Registered: ‎22-11-2014

Re: Raise your glass's please.

Hi @Cleoriff I really appreciate that. Unfortunately until we're through the whole funeral, I've got to be the strong one. My younger sister is completely devastated, and is unfortunately not behaving as she ought to be. I get it though, she's lashing out. Thing is, once her anger dies down and she stops trying to fight the grief she's gonna crash and it's me who needs to be there both throughout the tantrums and afterwards.

I've also got to host my brother and sister from up North, as they're not well off and hotels around here are crazy expensive. So until the funeral is done with I've got to be strong for the rest of them.

I will however be taking some time to heal afterwards, as I'm already exhausted tbh. My illness that's playing up atm already saps my strength, and coupled with the emotions I'm a bit of a mess. Hah I've even managed to black my eye from crying so much then rubbing my eyes 🙄

Thankfully my OH has been great and is taking good care of me. You're right tho, it's a day at a time. I've just climbed into bed and can't remember the last time I felt so grateful for it being the end of the day...

Thanks for the compliment on the paintings, Dad would've been well chuffed. He was always amazed at anything online lol and after teaching himself to text on a candy bar phone, deemed himself 'new age' 🤣🤣 bless!
Posts: 70,389
Topics: 674
Registered: ‎14-01-2013

Re: Raise your glass's please.

Of course you have to be there and strong to deal with everything (and everyone) over the next few weeks.

My only advice is to remember that you have to make time for your own grief. As I said you will get there.

Your dad's painting are a lovely legacy to you all x

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Posts: 10,294
Topics: 83
Blog Posts: 2
Registered: ‎22-08-2016

Re: Raise your glass's please.

The paintings are quite stunning. And, yes, I can see the double decker bus @gindygoo.

I was not close to my dad. I loved him but didn't like him very much for reasons I won't go into on this forum. My mother, on the other hand I loved dearly and was very close to.

Their deaths in 1987 and 1994 respectively affected me differently. I grieved for both but my mum's death hit me the hardest. Having no family in the UK it was my friends that got me through the worst of it.

As @Cleoriff says it will get easier but it will take time, a lot of time. You will never forget your dad but the grief will become easier to bear though it too will never be forgotten.

I still think of my mum and dad with love for all the things they did for me, for the values they instilled in me and, most of all, for the love they gave me all their lives.

The love you have for your dad and the love you know he had for you will help in the healing process I hope. And I wish you all the best.
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Posts: 10,813
Topics: 248
Registered: ‎11-01-2014

Re: Raise your glass's please.

[ Edited ]

Hello @gindygoo

 

Thank you for letting us see 2 more of your dad's wonderful paintings ... yes, I can see the double decker bus ... & ... a lucky black cat in the other one ... what absolutely fantastic semi-abstract style of painting your dad had

 

My dad Roy died January 2016 ... I'm a proud daddy's girl as no doubt you are ... it fell to me to tell everyone about dad's demise & I clearly remember telling an Aunt of mine 'I don't know how I can face the funeral' ... but ... things fell into place despite my sister being a diva about it all ... & ... my mum understandably deteriorating into frail mental ill health = they were married age 21 & in their 80's ... mum btw is still going onwards

 

I cried a lot gindygoo, in private, I live on my own

 

I think about my dear dad everyday

 

Please take care to look after yourself gindygoo ... ... ... we're all here for you

 

*possum si vollo* *per ardua ad astra*



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Level 41: Prodigal
Posts: 3,629
Registered: ‎26-03-2014

Re: Raise your glass's please.

I would definitely heed Cleo's advice and make time for yourself.
I didn't when my mum passed and bottled everything up - not healthy as I nearly hospitalised myself with illness when it all came out several months later.
There will be times when you need to be the strong one, but equally there should be times when you are not and someone (or multiple someones) are picking up your pieces.
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Level 25: Hard Hitter
Posts: 1,331
Registered: ‎22-11-2014

Re: Raise your glass's please.

So, today I've decided to try and get back into some semblance of normality. I'm taking things very slowly though, but as the old saying goes life really does go on. We're still in kind of a limbo however waiting for a 'coroner's meeting' then they'll issue a death certificate and we can get things moving.

Me and my sister are going to go round to Dad's flat either tomorrow or Friday to try and make a start on clearing that. Or at least get the things that are sentimentally important before enlisting the help of others to do the heavier work.

As with most oldsters my Dad hoarded a little bit. He's of that age where you didn't throw anything away. As he always thought "it'd come in useful" 🤷 So that'll probably take quite a while!

I'd like to thank everyone who's offered condolences and advice. I'm really very grateful, reading through this thread has given me strength and wisdom. You guys rock xx
Posts: 68,833
Topics: 545
Registered: ‎04-01-2009

Re: Raise your glass's please.

Take things as slowly as you can, don't try and do everything all at once. Write down everything that needs to be done and believe me there are things that you haven't even thought about yet. Things like contacting the pensions people, returning passport, getting in touch with DVLC etc etc.. When you have a list then sit down with your family and try to share the load.
Above all, when you have the death certificate and go to register it, they will let you see the bereavement department who will do a lot of things for you.
Take one day at a time and set aside some me time. Please don't take it upon yourself to try and do everything alone and take the burden off others. This is the time for family to rally around and help one another. If you ever need to talk or want general advice you have plenty of friends here who have all had to go through what you are experiencing now. X