Friday's Funny Finding

[pgn]

If Technology teaches us anything... 

Sometimes, the tried and tested ways are best. 

[pgn]

Two old men felt they were close to their last days and decided to have one last night on the town.

After a few drinks, they ended up at the local brothel.

The madam took one look at the two old geezers and whispered to her manager:
"Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two of my girls on them. They won't know the difference.".

The manager did as he was told and the two old men went up to their rooms.

Some time later, they were walking home and the first man said, "You know, I think my girl was dead.”

“Dead?” said his friend, "Why do you say that?''

“Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was with her.”

His friend said, “Could be worse – I think mine was a witch.” 

“A witch? Why the hell would you say that?”, asked the other.

"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave her a little bite. Then she farted, flew out the window and took my teeth with her!".

[Cleoriff]

Just brilliant 😂🤣

[pgn]

A woman went to a fortune teller.
As they sat there in the candlelit tent, the mystic waved her hands around the crystal ball, divining the woman’s future.

Suddenly, the soothsayer’s hands went to her face and a gasp of horror escaped her mouth.

“I don’t know how to tell you this, so I’ll be blunt.” the fortune teller says. “You need to prepare yourself to become a widow. Your husband will be murdered in a manner most gruesome before the year is done.”

The woman was petrified, unable to process the information. Her hands began to shake and her throat felt like a desert as she barely managed to croak out,
“Will I be acquitted?”

[Cleoriff]

😂Love it @pgn 🤣

This week, I know that feeling well 😂

[Cleoriff]

[pgn]

"The right tone from a woman with her arms folded always bounces an answer out of an unprepared man before he has time to think, and even before he has time to think up a lie."

 — Terry Pratchett, Unseen Academicals

[pgn]

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

He sauntered into the kitchen and enquired of his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?’

Margaret looked him over and said, ‘Nope!'.

Frustrated, Bert stormed off to the bathroom, stripped off and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?’

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Lemmesee, Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

‘IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!’ Bert yelled.

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert – shoulda bought a hat.’

[jonsie]

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@pgn wrote:

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

He sauntered into the kitchen and enquired of his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?’

Margaret looked him over and said, ‘Nope!'.

Frustrated, Bert stormed off to the bathroom, stripped off and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?’

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Lemmesee, Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

‘IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!’ Bert yelled.

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert – shoulda bought a hat.’

---

Brilliant 🤣🤣🤣

[pgn]

Recently a Husband Super Store opened where women go to choose a husband from a variety of men.

It was laid out over five floors, with the men incrementally increasing in positive attributes from floor to floor as one ascended.

The only rule was once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of women went to the shopping center to find some husbands.

1st floor
The door sign read: These men have jobs and love kids.
One of the women said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

2nd floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking."
"Hmmm," said the other woman.
“I wonder what's further up?"

3rd floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."

"Wow," said one. Very tempting. But there’s another floor.”

So up they went.

4th Floor
The door sign said, “These men have high-paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework & have a strong romantic streak."

"Oh!” gasped one of the women. “Just think what must be waiting
on the top floor.” And up they went

5th floor
The sign on the door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are  impossible to please.”

[Cleoriff]

---

@pgn wrote:

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.

He sauntered into the kitchen and enquired of his wife, 'Notice anything different about me?’

Margaret looked him over and said, ‘Nope!'.

Frustrated, Bert stormed off to the bathroom, stripped off and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, 'Notice anything different NOW?’

Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Lemmesee, Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!'

Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?'

'Nope', she replied.

‘IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!’ Bert yelled.

Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, 'Shoulda bought a hat, Bert – shoulda bought a hat.’

---

Poor frustrated Margaret 😂 Brilliant @pgn 🤣